Avatar: Now With More Tail

New version includes Na'vi lovin' and lots more.

Is Na'vi nookie obtained deep inside Pandora's box (in 3d!) enough to get you to go see Avatar again? Avatar SE's got a new love scene and Jake gets more literal tail this time. What else is on view? We ventured into the dangerous litebrite wildnerness to see if it's worth another tour of duty (and twelve bucks). What did we find?  Here’s a breakdown of the new scenes, both pro and con:

1. School’s out. Dr. Augustine doesn’t choose their first field trip’s location by accident – turns out it’s next to the now-abandoned school where she taught English to the Omaticaya clan (in a heavy-handed reference, we also learn she read them Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax). The Na’vi learned quickly, and bailed as soon as they knew all they needed to about humans.

2. The Greedo Effect, in reverse. New scenes reveal that things aren’t as simple as noble natives versus mule-headed Marines. Following the first bulldozing of Na’vi land, it’s Tsu’Tey who shoots first, blowing up a mining vehicle and killing those aboard. Quaritch watches the aftermath on a viewscreen, and this is what finally motivates him to attack.

3. Float on. For all you annoying nerds who wouldn’t shut up about how and why floating mountains work, Jake now has a new, redundant bit of voice-over spelling it out. Our advice? Keep yer yap shut, yo. Unless you want Cameron-flavored midichlorians spewed all over Avatar 2.

4. You can’t have metaphorical Indians without metaphorical buffalo. New herds of creatures that vaguely resemble the Reek from Star Wars Episode II get hunted from the air by Jake, Neytiri and the rest in a sequence that uses 3-D in a more gimmicky fashion. Also, Jake teaches Neytiri to say "Hell Yeah!" while they both pretend they're not in a Dances With Wolves remake.

5. Tougher than King Kong. In the original cut, Tsu’Tey is shot during the final battle and falls from a helicopter. Now we learn that he managed to survive the bullets and the fall long enough to give Jake his blessing for stealing his woman and taking over his tribe. That’s one noble dude.

6. Blue Balls. You’ve joked about it since day one, and yes, now you can watch Jake and Neytiri plug their ponytails into each other. Also, Neytiri frolics with those glowing helicopter creatures, and Jake actually asks her her name early on. In true sci-fi fashion, it is revealed that “Neytiri” is actually short for a longer, more unpronounceable moniker. Then they eat caterpillars. Slimy, yet satisfying.

What you don’t see? An opening sequence featuring Jake Sully on a polluted Earth. That’s being saved for the DVD box set.

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