10 Questions With Marvin E. Quasniki
Want real change in this country? Vote for Marvin.
With the entrance of independent candidate Marvin E. Quasniki, whose debut video can be seen at Youtube.com/nerdist, we suspect the 2012 presidential race will liven up substantially. Whatever this unique candidate for higher office has up his sleeve,
we're guaranteed it won't be the same old business-as-usual politics
(show your support with official merchandise).
In an email exchange with the previously unknown candidate, his pointed
answers to our questions would seem to bear this notion out.
GeekChicDaily: Mr. Quasniki, why are you entering the race? What are you hoping to accomplish?
Marvin E. Quasniki: Well, sir, the other day I was listening to the Republican presidential debate. And let me tell you, I never heard so much bulls**t in my life. That’s when I knew I had to do something, and running for president seemed like the easiest thing. My top priority once I’m in office will be this: no bulls**t.
GCD: What skills as a farmer do you think make you ready for the highest office in the land?
MEQ: I’m used to getting up early, which is important because if you sleep too late, you can’t get anything done, like passing laws and things like that. I also know when it’s time to spray for pests.
GCD: Your opponents have an early lead in terms of time. How are you going to make up the difference since you're entering the race later?
MEQ: I think it’s to my advantage. See, if you enter the race too early, you give people too much time to figure out what’s wrong with you. I figure by jumping in late, I’d get folks excited, and then hopefully I’d be president before anyone had a chance to start asking too many questions.
GCD: What common ground do you hope to show voters you share with them?
MEQ: I want people to know that if they vote for me, they’re getting a president who’s just like them: a real American with regular problems, few qualifications for office and very little understanding of how the executive branch works.
GCD: With all the problems facing our country, what do you zero in on as the biggest and how are you going to fix it?
MEQ: As I said, we have a crisis of bulls**t in this country and here’s how I aim to fix it. We’re going to make a website and anyone who does bulls**t gets their name put on the website. Then everyone else will know exactly who’s doing bulls**t in this country, and they won’t want to have anything to do with those folks anymore. Pretty soon, you got no more bulls**t.
GCD: Higher education costs are at an all time high for American families. What goals do you hope to accomplish in the education sector?
MEQ: Education is going to be my top priority when I’m president, and here’s what we’re gonna do. Refunds. Colleges are charging people too much money and it seems fair they ought to offer a refund if you don’t get a good job when you graduate. However, I do believe students should be warned that if they want to get a degree in something stupid like Swedish Mythology or whatever, they can’t go whining when they wind up making hash browns at Denny’s.
GCD: The current climate in the capitol is deeply divided along partisan lines, how do you plan to bridge that divide?
MEQ: I’ll be honest with you, I’m not entirely sure what “partisan” means. I’m going to look it up and get back to you. It sounds kind of French though, so I can almost guarantee I’ll be against it.
GCD: The lobbying industry has a large voice in Washington. How do you plan on dealing with lobbyists and their agendas?
MEQ: I don’t have time for special interests. There are too many people I already owe favors to that I won’t be able to make extra promises to lobbyists. Also, I just looked up the word “partisan.” Yep, I’m against it.
GCD: The economy seems to be the hot button issue in the race thus far, what are your plans to spur America back into the marketplace?
MEQ: We’re going to put people back to work, number one. How? By creating jobs. How do we do that? By providing opportunities. And how do we do that? By making sure every American has a chance to succeed. My top priority is to help the poor and unemployed, or at least find a place for them to go so we don’t have to look at them. A nice place, though, with towels.
GCD: If elected, what kind of America do you hope to leave for future generations?
MEQ: One that’s still around, I hope.